Today, I am reminded of that line from one of the Rugrats movies where one of the twins (the boy) comments on some else’s grumpiness (probably Angelica).  At any rate, he says, “Well somebody got up on the wrong side of the bread this morning”.  That is exactly how I feel today, and I don’t know why.

Of course, I got less sleep than the recommended 8 hours.  Okay, it was more like 6.  But that’s nothing new for me, so I’ve ruled that out.

I do have a lot of mundane things to do around the house, but that’s not new either.

My two homeschooled teens have come down with a bad case of SNMSS- “slow-neuron molasses-synapse syndrome”, meaning the neurons in their brains are working extra slowly and the synapse are filled with molasses (or so it seems).  On days like this, questions like “In what year was the War of 1812?” ellicit a response of “uuummm, uuuhh… can you repeat the question?”

Unfortunately, no I cannot- not today.  I feel so tired, and like I’m in some sort of fog.  Maybe I’m coming down with something?

At any rate, my patience is about as long as a green light when you’re running late for work, and I am just not feeling it.  I just want to crawl back into bed for a few hours, and start over later.  Maybe.

Only Monae has to dance at a Black History Program this evening in the city, and since dh works in the city, he’s just going to hang out after work so he can go straight there.  It is, after all, right down the street from where he works, and at $3.71 a gallon, he’d better not drive all the way home first!

But that means that I have no relief in sight, because by the time the service ends (she’s performing at a church service), it will be bedtime for the kiddies.  I don’t even think I’ll get my walk in today- but I HAVE to figure out how to get that in, because it’s one of my Lenten commitments.  SIGH.

Maisy needs her hair done; so does Monae.  So do I for that matter- right now, I’m rocking something that’s midway between Frederick Douglas and Macy Gray.

I need to recharge.  I’m going to go hide for a little while (well, as much as you can hide with a 4 and 2 year old crawling all over you), give the big kids something they can work on independently, and hopefully pull it together enough to get all this hair done and get to this performance on time.

There’s no place like the Chocolate Spa at the Hotel Hershey!

There’s no place like the Chocolate Spa at the Hotel Hershey!

There’s no place like the Chocolate Spa at the Hotel Hershey!

dang.

Oh well, it was worth a try.

In my previous post, I mentioned a great book, Joy for Beginners by Erica Bauermeister, and the fact that much of it resonated with me and is certainly worth sharing and applying to my life.  The statement that resonated with me the most from the book is one that has meaning on so many levels, and it’s simply this:

Adults need to have fun so that children will want to grow up!

I think that’s true on so many levels, and perhaps explains society’s current problem of adult children who never do, in fact, grow up.  Perhaps older adults, busy with making a life and providing stability, forgot to have any fun at all- and so gave their children nothing to look forward to but a life full of hard work and bill payments.

Many people grow up with parents who wake up every day tired, go to a job they complain about, come home tired, do more “work” around the house, never have time to play or relax, stress and complain about bills to play and how they never have enough money, never go on vacation, and then wake up and do it all again.  I mean, really-  if that’s what growing up means, can you blame them for never wanting to?  At least as a kid, you have your friends, ride on your parents tab, and lack a certain level of responsibility- so of course they’re still riding that wave at 25, 30, 35, and 40- if you let them.

I think parents forget that every single day, they are shaping their children’s childhood memories as well as creating what the future looks like for adults.  Yes, it’s a tall order, but it’s not hard to carve out something beautiful to aspire to.  Just don’t forget to live a little.  (I’m not suggesting for a moment that we shirk our responsibilities, quite the opposite- that a part of our adult responsibility is demonstrating that life is good and worth living.)

If you’re married, that means spending time together as a family having fun, and also letting your kids see you invest in each other.  Spending time just with your spouse doing something you both enjoy, going somewhere fun- if your marriage is stagnant and boring, why would your kids want to grow up and do that?

If you’re a single parent, it still means doing fun things together, and having some adventures of your own.  What if your child never gets married or gets married older in life?  Give them the expectation of a full life in spite of- show them that single people have rich, full, exciting lives, too.

I’ll probably have more to say about his subject, but I gotta run-dropping the kids off at my mom’s so that hubby and I can have a day filled with adventure to tell them about when they come home.  What kind of adventure are YOU gonna have today?  This weekend?  Next week?  Think about it, and then go DO something!

Joy For Beginners

2012/02/24

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, but I’m going to try and do better.  ‘Nuff said.

One of the blogs I follow, Cheaper By The Half Dozen, mentioned a book in a post I read a few days ago.  The book, Joy for Beginners by Erica Bauermeister, is February’s book selection on the blog She Reads (also penned in part by the author of Cheaper by the Dozen).  It sounded intriguing, so I snagged a copy from the library.  This is easily the best book I’ve read in a long, long time- not because of the writing or anything like that, but because of the subject and how adeptly it’s handled.  This is the kind of book that touches your soul; the kind that you hold inside of you forever.  I will never forget this book and the lessons I learned from it.  Don’t be surprised to see entire posts stemming from one line or theme from this book!  If you like reading fiction, or even if you don’t, I still recommend that you check this one out.

I’m not sure if I found so many nuggets of wisdom and insight in the book  because they were just there- intended by the author to pierce the heart of each reader, or because I was looking for them.  I’m at a place of openness right now- openness toward my future, and hopes, and dreams.  Openness toward rediscovering the anticipation and expectation of wonderful things happening in my life.  I want to live, really live my life, becoming as grown and mature as I can possibly be, in the most childlike way possible.  Childlike because I want to believe and receive it with no doubts or second guessing based on bad experiences, fear, or whatever it is that other people think.  I want to really embrace the future and the hope that God has for me, knowing with every fiber of my body that He CAN and He WILL give me the desires of my heart if I delight myself in Him, just ‘cuz.

So!  Back to the book.

As a quick summary, there are seven women.  One has battled cancer and won, and at her victory party, the others decide she must do something she’s never done before, something that scares her, to overcome her fear.  For her, they choose white water rafting through the Grand Canyon.  It was initially her daughter’s suggestion, which they get a hold of.  Completing this will cause her to do two things- first, face the direct fear of the rapids.  More importantly, commit to something a year away (the trip is for a year in the future), as she has yet to embrace the fact that she has survived and does, indeed, have a future to look forward to and plan for.

She accepts, but with one condition- she gets to pick something equally challenging for each of them to accomplish.

What a great idea!  I’m totally going to round up some gals and steal it.  Seriously.

I’ll keep you posted on my thoughts about this book, and on my journey to truly get a life this year.  Your job is to get a life, too (if you don’t already have one) and to hold me accountable!!!  With that said, go check out my next post about a statement from the book that holds a lot of meaning- particularly as it pertains to children growing up, and how adults facilitate that.  Go read!

The Nutcracker

2011/12/16

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, because life hs been very busy for the Johnson’s as of late.  Keep reading and you’ll find out why.

Monae 2010

One of Monae's costumes from 2010

So, in a previous post (My “Mother’s Heart”, part I) I mentioned that my daughter auditioned for the Nutcracker as performed by the Ballet Theater of Maryland and was offered two roles.  We were very proud.  We are very proud.  Did I mention that it was in Annapolis?  I think I did.  Anywhere, that’s where the BTM is located, so that’s where all the rehearsals have been and all the shows are there, too- at the Maryland Hall.

Did I also mention that I don’t live in Annapolis?  Or even near Annapolis?  Door to door, we’re about a 45 minute drive if there’s no traffic.  If there is traffic, it can take considerably longer.  I think you can see where this is going… “it seemed like a good idea at the time!”

Okay, so I’m still sure it actually was a good idea.  She has developed a lot, not that she realizes it yet.  And the exposure to different teaching styles and other dancers has been really good for her, as has performing with a company in a production.

Nevertheless, the driving is killing me.  I will be SOOOO glad when Monday morning comes- because it means that it will all be over!!!  At first, rehearsals were just on Saturday and Sunday- a minor inconvenience, but no big deal really because they were only about an hour long.  That was in  September and October.

In November, the rehearsal schedule began to increase- some were longer, maybe 3 hours or so, and there was at least one weeknight.  A little inconvenient, yes, but again, not big deal.

Then December came.

We’ve had rehearsal in Annapolis 6 days a week.  Weeknights from 5 or 6pm until 10pm, except for Thursdays-  Thursdays were “mini- show” days, whit a 3 hour rehearsal after the shows.  Those days were from 8:30-4pm.  That’s like a work day!!!  It’s killing me!!!

Did I  mention that my van hasn’t been running since all this started, and we’ve been doing all this driving with our gas guzzling bus Expedition?  Last weekend, between Sunday morning (before we left for rehearsal) and Wednesday morning (before taking my husband to work) we had already put $280 into the gas tank!  And we weren’t even done for the week!  The gas has been killing us, too- there, I said it!  And the driving makes me so tired!  But the end is in sight- she’s off today, has performances Saturday and Sunday, and that’s the end.  She’s pretty spent, too, and I’m sure she’ll be glad when it’s all done.  A little sad, but glad too.

Next year, I’m sure she’ll want to do another Nutcracker.  And we’ll support her, and encourage her to spread her wings… and fly downtown for her auditions instead of 40 miles away, lol.

Who knew I’d be posting a part two so soon?

So, my daughter has a audition tomorrow.  She dances, and she’s a great dancer.  She’s auditioning for two shows- Aladdin and The Nutcracker, as performed by the Ballet Theater of Maryland.  This will be her first audition hosted by people who don’t know and love her.  She auditioned for the pre- professional group that she’s a part of (and must re- audition for each year), but that’s directed by her long time dance teacher.  Not that that ensured her a spot, because it didn’t- but she was a little more comfortable in the presence pf people she’s known for years.  This time it’s different.

She’ll be competing against a roomful of strangers, in front of a panel of strangers, somewhat far from home (auditions are an hour away- the shows aren’t that far, though).  I am nervous for her, and somewhat scared- all those other dancers, whose talent we know nothing about- and her in there, alone with them, being judged on her performance as compared to an unknown quantity.  My “mother’s heart” is not aching just yet- right now it is beating a hundred beats per minute, fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings, in anxiety- laced anticipation.

We just completed her performance resume, and will pick up her headshots tomorrow- they don’t need to be professional.  Good thing, because I forgot until the last minute.  But I have some good shots of her- between the dancing and the modeling in this house, I’m constantly taking headshots of my kids anyway.

Preparing the resume made it more real for both of us, and increased her level of stress so much it was almost tangible.  Once again, I played the cool, collected mom- “it’s no big deal, you’ll do great, you always do.”  Inside, I feel nothing of the sort- I KNOW she has the ability, I’m just afraid that in the presence of these other dancers and judges she’ll get nervous and freeze up.  I hope not, and that’s all I can do, because I’m not allowed to stand by and coach her, or peek in for a thumbs up, or anything- she’ll be in there, away from me, on her own, to stand on her own merits.  I know she can do it, but I’m afraid she’ll choke.  Perhaps I should have more faith, but it’s hard.

Once again, I silence that part of me that screams out to protect her from the possibility of hurt- the part that wants to tell her to just be happy taking dance classes.  And she would be happy to hear that, for as much as she wants to dance professionally, she does NOT want to audition.  Ever.  But auditions are par for the course, and something that she must get used to experiencing.  So I push her- not against her will, because if she honestly didn’t want to I probably wouldn’t force it- but I push her enough to move past the fear and into the next level of her training, even as I inwardly cringe at the thought of what could- and will- eventually happen.  I push her toward the thing that I want to protect her from, because it’s for her own good.

This is her dream, her ambition- all she’s ever really wanted to do.  I have to let her spread her wings, even if she falls the first few times before she flies.

When we wake up in the morning, it will be a whirlwind of activity to get all she needs and get her there on time.  We’ll make it, and thankfully the busyness required will keep my mind off of worrying for her- at least until we arrive.  Hopefully it will keep her from being so nervous, too.

I wonder if we’ll be having a celebratory dinner tomorrow night, or planning a consolation activity for her as well.  Or if we’ll even find out that soon- the waiting would be difficult for us both.  Luckily for me, I have an immediate distraction to help stave off my worrying- The Milkman calleth.  But I’ll keep you posted.

 

Update: Monae was selected for two roles in the Ballet Theatre of Maryland’s performance of the Nutcracker this winter.  Congrats, baby girl!